This post is not actually about my body hair, although it’s not like I’m thrilled with the state of affairs in that department either. TMI, I know. It’s Thursday so this is the thing we do – we think out loud with Amanda and see where it takes us.
So, I’m what I’m really referring to is the morning my flat iron died.
I went through the Kubler-Ross 5 stages of grieving over the course of 10 minutes and was left only with this – my flat iron is gone, and it took with it any and every ounce of confidence in my appearance I thought I’d built up since about 8th grade. I’m not joking. This is the text I sent to my sister that day:
I put my hair in the frizziest and oddest shaped ponytail because that’s all it would do, and started to reflect. No, you’re not enlightened. You thought you were winning the game but you just spun a “2” and have to go down the big slide now back to the beginning (that’s a chutes and ladders reference fyi!)
My hair sucks. It’s always sucked. It’s not curly, wavy, or straight. Actually, it’s curly, wavy and straight all on different parts of my head. The one consistent part is the frizz, which is not my imagination at all. Several stylists have commented that they are surprised at how frizzy my hair is as they are drying it, as they wouldn’t have guessed beforehand.
Later that day, of course, I ran into a bunch of “cool girls” while shopping for some kid birthday presents. The “cool girls” I suppose were just regular people I’m acquainted with, but, when you’re feeling like you’re 13 again any other female who isn’t you or your best friend is a “cool girl.” I literally wanted to knock the ridiculousness of these feelings out of my head – I mean seriously. It’s freaking hair. Plus no one cares AT ALL how frizzy your hair is. Although I tried to smack the stupid out of myself, I couldn’t, and picked up a cheap new one in the grocery store.
Is it working? No, at the hottest setting I can touch it with my finger for like 5 seconds without getting burned, so no, it’s not helping my hair.
I would tell you the uplifting story of how after almost a week of frizzy hair I have now embraced it as part of who I am, but eff that, it just doesn’t work that way. Not after decades of trying to change my natural hair! This is real life, and we pick our battles. I will be ordering a new flat iron as a Mother’s Day present to myself and moving on to bigger and better problems.
10k Goals
The goals (or complaining) here are not to be mistaken for the “bigger and better problems” I just previously referred to, just to clarify.
Something funny happened to me this morning on my run. I thought about the weather forecast for Sunday (hot) and how I would approach the race IF I DID NOT HAVE A BLOG. What came back to me was “fun run” meaning if conditions won’t be conducive to pushing myself, why push?
Although I didn’t start my blog with the intention to “impress” I think it’s natural to feel self conscious about race performance when you know a lot of people will potentially see your results. I think many running bloggers must feel this pressure, though I’m not totally sure how it affects each of us.
For me, I think I feel like I should appear “serious” about each race. Why? I don’t know, I don’t have any good answers, because in my heart and good judgement I know that just being real about life and feelings is essential to a good blog.
So the truth about my goals for this weekend’s race is, I don’t have any real goals. I’m running the 10k and then the 5k with Emily, and I’m more excited for my run with her than I am for my own race. Diana is also performing with her dance team after the 5k, my parents will be there for Mother’s Day, and I’m just looking forward to having a great time with everyone and not feeling like sh*t from pushing myself too hard in the morning.
What’s one part of your appearance you think you’ll always be insecure about? What do you do about it?
How does blogging affect how you approach life?
If you’re a runner and blogger, do you feel pressure to “impress” in some way?
You are HILARIOUS! The part about touching the flat iron for 5 seconds without burning your finger was the best. So, my skin has always been my problem. I had major zits, and I still get them, but now I have some sort of hormonal issue from pregnancy that hasn’t left. My face (mostly forehead) is suuuuper blotchy and I have to use gobs of MAC foundation to make it not appear *as* bad as it is. And I had skin cancer removed from my nose, which was so character-building, it was incredible. Having a huge blobby scab on my face and then having people look at it/me all day long at work made me want to just die, but then I realized that it’s just a scab (now a scar) and I’m thankful that I didn’t die. K, that was a long comment. Phew.
My skin is hormonal and I had years of it being great while pregnant and nursing, now it’s unpredictable. Having a cancer scare must have been crazy, but I can see where that puts things in perspective where needed!
If my flat iron died I don’t think I could wait a week before getting a new one. Or I wouldn’t be blowdrying my hair at all and just wearing it up everyday. This is probably the worst week for it to die- at least around here the humidity has hit!
I have never been able to do a race for fun, even before I had a blog. I would say that I didn’t care how I did but I would find myself racing anyway.
I’ve been doing ponytails everyday which I’m now getting a bit too comfy with 🙂 I know I’ll push myself Sunday, just not to the extent that maybe I “should” for the best time possible. Hot weather makes it hard no matter what though, so I’m sure I’ll be feeling it.
So I totally sympathize about your hair although I am laughing at your description lol. Bad hair days just make for bad days in general! My hair was always super straight, fine and flat but when I had bangs and couldn’t get them right in the morning? Such a bad day! I really recommend Orchid’s Oil too if you use a serum. It’s great.
I wish I had super straight hair naturally! I chemically straightened it for a while and actually forgot how naturally crazy it is.
MOVE IN WITH ME 🙂
I got all excited and bought one about 4 years ago and never ever took it out of the package!!
Haha! I need it!
OMG the hair had me cracking me! That is actually one thing I like about myself. I have nice, really thick mostly wavy hair. It does have its temperamental moments. One thing I can’t stand about my body are my hips and butt. Everything has just accumulated there from injury. I was told it was my body’s way of coping with the lack of estrogen. Blogging definitely influences the way I eat. Was just thinking about that after reading Amanda’s post yesterday.
The hips/butt thing is just not my body type, but it IS my mom’s so I grew up hearing all about the struggle 😉 Interesting how blogging affects how you eat! I guess we’re just not immune to some of these blogging things!
Thanks for the morning laughs! That was great 🙂
As for the race – I totally see that, and have complained that it is a major pet peeve of mine as I have seen some become disingenuous and even dishonest as a result of that ‘pressure’.
Truth is we all love you just how you are, or we wouldn’t be here in the first place! But part of who you are IS someone who will get in her own head (or hair) about a race … so if you can manage a fun run, great – if not, no worries. Don’t worry about impressing anyone – you already juggle an impressive array of stuff as it is!
Let me just say that the ‘hair’ stuff, laughs aside, is one reason I don’t mind that I have basically had a variation on the ‘regular little boys haircut’ for my entire life (longer in the 70s, shorter in the 00s). No stress 🙂
As for that ‘one thing’ … it is my excess skin from my extreme weight loss … it doesn’t matter how thin or fit or whatever I am … it will always be there making me think I’m fat. Ugh.
The “impressing” stuff is silly – I realize people just don’t care that much 🙂 And about the hair, now that I have a boy I realize how easy you guys have it! Just cut off the bad parts and, like you said, no stress!
Anything but the flat iron! I use mine everyday as well and I’d be really upset if it broke! I totally agree with your feelings about always attempting for your best time because you’re blogging. The crazy thing is, we as an audience, don’t care as much as you might think. Yes, people are impressed by crazy fast numbers. But if you had an off day, I think people like to see that to. It let’s them know that you’re human!
Since I read other running blogs I totally get that people just don’t care that much how I do in a race! Still, somehow I’m self conscious. I think it’s important to be real about it since everyone has good and bad races, and most are somewhere in between.
I don’t even know where my flat iron is… and I’ve used my blow dryer about 4 times over the past year! I used to do all that stuff, but now it is just eh whatever. On the plus side–you hair might really benefit from chilling out for a few days! LIke when people with fake nails take them off for a bit. I’ll always be insecure about the bags under my eyes. I don’t have the hereditarily terrible ones that run in my family, but I still have some deep ones. As for blog impacting real life, it is less about performance and more about taking me out of the moment, I guess–like to IG something. Otherwise? I do what I do!
I’m sure my hair needs a break from the heat! I’m realizing I probably need a hair cut too. It’s crazy what lies the flat iron covers up 😉
Nothing can ruin a good day like a bad hair day… I swear. Mine is actually the opposite of yours — super fine, straight, and limp. It takes a whole lot of effort to get any sort of volume in my hair, and there are plenty of days where I just don’t feel like dealing with it so I pile it on top of my head in a messy bun and move along…
I would take straight and no volume if it meant I could have a normal looking ponytail!
You sound like my mom with the flatiron! She died when I took it with me to DC and her #1 mission was to buy a new one the next day….little does she know I used that flat iron maybe the first 2 weeks of school….when I still cared how I looked 😛 Hahaha!
Funny how we become so dependent on it! Your hair doesn’t look frizzy at all without it – I wish!
When bad hair days happen (which is more often than not) I go with a headband and ponytail. I only use a flat iron when I’m getting dressed up, which luckily I don’t have to do too often 🙂 Sometimes I think about how my blog influences my decisions. Mostly it influences them in a good way and makes me try new things. I totally understand feeling the need to “impress,” especially when people think I run races to win. HA…
True, I hate having to tell people my time just in real life if I’m not happy with it! I think I need a few good headbands 🙂
I can totally relate! And I feel like I think in blog lingo on my runs, like how I am feeling and what my picture should be. “Oh wow, that mile was tough, maybe I should take a pic of me dying slowly on this run.” haha!
In my last race I was driving myself nuts recapping as I went! I can’t even remember what racing was like before. What went through my head?
I’m really insecure about my feet! I have really long, skinny toes that people always comment on when I wear sandals, so I’m really embarrassed to show them. I can’t wear the cute sandals that most people can rock. I try to look on the bright side and figure that at least I can cover them up, but I still wish they looked better!
Can’t wait to hear about your 10k/5k! I did the same thing a few weeks ago with my fiance. I also treated the 10k like a fun run and ran slower than normal, but enjoyed helping him finish his first 5k so I didn’t even care! Hope you can enjoy both as well. And I totally get the feeling of having to impress because of the blog, but you don’t have to impress us! You’re already a rockstar mom.
I feel you on the feet, mine are terrible and I have those long toes too. I mostly don’t care though! Hopefully both races are great experiences, we’ll see 🙂 And thank you, you are way too kind!
I’ve run so many races where I think about what my mile splits will be like on my blog, or I hesitate to show my splits from a training run because I think they’re not good enough. It’s so hard to overcome the comparison trap, when it comes to other bloggers or other people in your life, but I think being aware of the urge to be perfect instead of being real is the first step. Enjoy your races and don’t worry about anything besides having a great time!
I agree that being aware of that urge and challenging it is really healthy, and refreshing! I came into the blogging world not knowing many runners and I never compared, but then, whoa! I immediately felt that pressure. Good reminder that we’re just there to enjoy and have a great time! I need that reminder before every race!
As someone who had to learn to accept my crazy curly hair (marrying someone who hates my hair straight and loves its natural definitely helped!!) I can completely identify with you here!! My big thing is my skin though. I’ve had horrible eczema my whole life. When I was little the kids s (it was started by my own brother. thanks for that one, matt.) would say I have “eggs on my legs” which doesn’t even make sense but still made my 8 year old self sad. With nursing and pregnancy hormones mixed with the inability to use steroid creams while pregnant and nursing, I’ve had to accept that it’s something about me that sucks but there are such worse things I could be living with. That’s definitely not to say that I don’t stick to long pants/sleeves when I’m having a bad break out. (Though, I will say, my best friend asking me what my nasty rash was yesterday REALLY helped my confidence……)
Of course that would make an 8 year old sad, that’s mean! Drawing attention to something you already feel crappy about is bound to make bad memories for anyone. I’m sure your friend didn’t realize what she was saying, I know what you mean about having things in perspective and then little things here and there challenging that! Some things just really stick.
I also have a love/hate relationship with my hair. I always feel like its too thin and I am compelled to wash it after each workout otherwise it just looks SO greasy.
I just started blogging but I definitely worry that people are reading my posts thinking “who is this girl” or “BORING!” haha. But I can definitely see how I could feel pressure to perform well especially since race recaps are essential to a running blog 🙂
I wash my hair after every workout too, I hate the greasy feeling! I felt the same way when I started blogging, but just figured “oh well” let’s see how it goes. I think the feeling of self consciousness with running developed over time as I started reading more and more running blogs! It’s hard not to compare!
You are so right that you pick your battles and its unrealistic to expect you accept EVERYTHING about yourself. If frizzy hair is your insecurity, you’re doing alright because there will always be straighteners haha you can have my straightener because it’s been sitting in my cupboard for months untouched. I have super straight hair and wish I needed a straightener sometimes!
Oh I wish I had your hair!
I have extremely thick and curly hair as well, difference is, I chop mine off super short and say YOLO! lol! I hate messing with my hair, so I want to throw some mousse in it and call it good. Easy peasy! Sorry about your flat iron.
Haha! When my hair was shorter it was more manageable. It’s not really thick though, just frizzy and oddly wavy. I hear you on not wanting to mess with it 🙂
Do you not have an Ulta around? The two times in my life that my flat iron has died, I rushed over and dropped $100+ on a new one because unfortunately, I just don’t put up with my nasty unstraightened hair!! (Unless I have the products to wear it curly, which I never do, in which case I’d have to go to Ulta to buy some of THAT, so I may as well just get a new flat iron!). I feel like you do with my hair…I feel beautiful and love it when it straight and frizzless, nothing wrong with that! I always feel like if I had my flat iron when I was in middle school, I’d be the confident, beautiful “cool” girl!
I actually have one about 20 minutes away but didn’t even think of it, so thanks for the reminder! I think the 100+ ones are the only way to go really, especially after buying the crappy supermarket one!
i feel your pain ! i dont have super frizzy hair but i do have hair that when dried naturally or even for 15 mins with a round brush cant decide if its curly or straight. i NEED my flat iron and wouldnt last a week without it i think. i got a super expensive one for a gift a year ago and i love it. i would serioulsy pay the money myself even for it. its black paul mitchel from the hair stylist. i totally understand to…why when you are sweaty and gross from a workout and stop at the store for just 1 thing do you have to see people u know ? WHY ???
i am not a blogger but i can understand how you might feel. go on the race and have FUN. be a good example to us ! one time right before a race i was nervous for i read erica house’s blog where she talked about the race being the “dessert” and the training being the hard part. she encouraged people to savour the race. look around, appreciate the scenery, and the people. take it in…so what if it takes a few secs off your time. enjoy it vs letting it all be a blur of pushing yourself. i can seriously tell you that changed the way i approached that race and each after. i still want a good time and all but i look around and take it in. i am thankful for my body and what it can do (even when it hurts). i may even stop and take a photo or 2. i dont blame you for wanting to run with your daughter most. it will be soooo much fun ! good luck to you…mostly that you are able to enjoy it !
I have to go for the pricey one, there is no turning back after you have a good one! And that is definitely a nice way to think of and approach racing. Something I tell myself and then have trouble with, but it’s starting to sink in I think finally 🙂
funnily enough i used to always be so insecure about my body hair! I did waxing, bleaching, nair products, and finally laser hair removal. now that im older though i am way less conscious about it. everyone has it and some is just darker than others!
ps even though you were bummed about your hair – i still think you look gorgeous!!
If laser hair removal were cheap I’d be all over it! Oh well…
Thanks about my hair, you are too kind!
You just described my hair exactly!!! A little curly, a little straight, a little wavy and ALWAYS frizzy! I get my hair chemically straightened once a year now just to make it manageable. I live in a pony tail M-F at work, and it would be impossible to make my hair look presentable on the weekends without my flat iron. I recently tried to stop straightening it and grow out my natural texture, and it made me feel ugly and cranky every. single. morning! It’s kinda crazy how much value/emotion/self-identification is wrapped up in our HAIR 😉 Happy you are getting yourself a fantastic Mother’s Day gift! 🙂
I used to chemically straighten mine but stopped a while back and completely forgot just how frizzy it is! I’m going to keep it natural but I must get that straightener. It’s been gross ponytails all week!
I have an insecurity about my hair as well, but for me it’s my thin hair. I can’t get enough “mmph” into it! I’ve tried different volumizing products with no success. Oh well, I have learned to accept my thinner hair. And love it for what it is–and it is incredibly low maintenance. I literally wash and let air dry every day. I don’t need to straighten it–it’s already straight on it’s own.
I’ve always been envious of your hair type since it’s so low maintenance! I used to chemically straighten mine and it was flat but I didn’t care because it took zero time in the morning!
RIP, straightener!!! You are so funny! Mine died a couple years ago and I’ve been using a knockoff ever since-it’s just not the same as my amazing CHI was! And my hair has never been as straight, lol!
Have fun this weekend at your races. I definitely feel the pressure from racing, running and being a running blogger. I think it’s the judgements that can potentially come due to us bloggers putting ourselves out there: it can be hard to deal with any negativity!
I hope Diana has a great day! I’m so excited for her!
The knockoffs are beyond terrible I’ve learned! Going to spend the $ this weekend on a good one.
I think regarding the pressure and potential negativity, realizing people will think what they will and we have no control over it is helpful. Definitely a really challenging part of blogging though.
I’ve never had gorgeous hair either. It’s why I ultimately cut all mine off. You should try it. It’s incredible freeing and definitely more manageable. Plus, you have the cheekbones to make it work.