Originally for today’s Thinking Out Loud post, I was going to tell you all about how I dreamed of kombucha (literally, in the middle of the night. Clearly this is now representing more than just probiotics.)
The dream involved me anxiously checking on my brewing kombucha (which is on the 7th day and ready to be, er, sampled. Oy!) But, I was sidetracked by a comment on my “day in the life” post that made me think.
I’m still hot and bothered about the kombucha though, and you will definitely be updated on the status ASAP 🙂
Reading this comment from Amanda allowed me to pinpoint something that’s been bothering me lately but is difficult to articulate. Here’s the part that did it:
“I’m wondering what you are cringing at. You did a lot! And the fact that you have two girls so close in age allows them to play together. I am not a mother but I tend to cringe when mothers feel guilty about not spending more time “attending” to their kids. In my mind, kids want to play with other kids. The parents are there to feed, drive, buy them things (ha!) which is exactly what you did all while providing a safe environment.”
I started thinking – what was it about my day that made me cringe? On the surface I could go the old “spent too much time on the internet” route, but that would not be telling the whole story.
What the hell am I doing?
I cringed when I realized that I spent a LARGE chunk on my day “working” on the internet, meaning blogging, connecting with other bloggers and with readers, tweeting, facebooking, instagramming, pinteresting, emailing, etc. I realized that I have been doing this, nearly every day, several hours a day, for over a year with the hope and intention of growing my blog, my social media accounts, and, my “brand” into a business. Over the past few months or so, I’ve been putting even more time and focus into it. While I definitely enjoy connecting with bloggers and readers (I love you!) writing blog posts, and creating new recipes, it has most definitely tipped the scale to where I can’t deny I am putting WORK into it all. Yet I still remain somewhat in denial about my own intentions.
Technically, I AM running a business, but my mind won’t let me really believe that. Maybe because I’m scared of failing? If I tell myself I’m just a stay at home mom with an active internet hobby (and an LLC, how the heck did that get there?) I have nothing to lose. But, if I’m being honest with myself, I know that I’m putting a ton of energy and time into my blog and its promotion because it would be flipping awesome if THIS could be it for me. As a mom of three, to be able to run my own business from home would be an ideal situation. Maybe it’s even up there with “dream” status. But, reality has a voice, and lately it’s been yelling at me, taunting me, haunting me, and laughing at me.
Something has to give – workwise – for me, very very soon.
I wrote a post about blogging for money, nearly a year ago, explaining that it’s not feasible for me to be a stay at home mom longterm.
The comment also spoke to me because it pointed out that my kids can now spend hours independent of me, doing their own thing. That is, of course, why I have all this time to spend on the blog to begin with. But, knowing that’s the case makes me feel guilty for not using my time in a way that will bring home the bacon (yup, bacon.) For all the cooking and taking pictures of bacon that I’m doing, I’m keenly aware that these actions are not currently earning me any significant, er, bacon.
What I think I’ve failed to see, is that I’m already a working mom in SAHM’s clothing (literally), but, because I’m scared of failing and feeling guilty that I’m not making money already, I will not call myself a working mom.
So what does that mean? Who cares what I call myself anyway, why do I need to label?
It means I don’t set tangible goals for my blog, or reach out to companies to partner with.
It means I have no business plan, and no real plan at all.
It means I feel guilty and selfish when I choose to blog instead of doing activities with my kids.
It means I’m currently going through the process of getting my Social Work license back, because it’s “what I went to school for” and therefore, “real” work.
It means that as I write this, I wonder if I sound like a complete moron. Am I really a working mom? Or just a delusional lunatic?
Do I need to just put on my big girl panties anything that’s not yoga pants, make a decision, and make a plan? Continue on as I have been? Go inquire about a part time job at the Walgreens down the street?
I’m truly confused and don’t know right now, so there won’t be a conclusion to this post. I think all of blogging is just one big “to be continued…” anyway, and that’s one of the parts that I love so dearly about it – the ongoing conversation. Plus, I probably just did at least a months worth of therapy, all because of one reader’s comment on a random WIAW post 🙂 If that’s not bang for your buck, then – really – what is?
Any and all thoughts in response to the questions in the title are more than welcome!
I stopped working unexpectedly about 10 years ago. It means we’re frugal in many ways. My husband earns a good living & we’ve always done well on his income alone, but my income paid for more of the little things.
I think the real question is is your family missing out on things if you’re not currently earning an income? Because I get it: you can work really hard and not earn a dime.
Do you really need the extra income? Would you be happier with the extra income? Remember, happy wife = happy life. Only you can answer those questions.
Yeah, at this point honestly we do need it and that’s why I’m feeling a ton of pressure. If we didn’t, I feel like I’d be able to loosen up on myself in many ways, but I’m not sure. In the back of my mind I feel like I’ll likely go back to Social Work part time while continuing to maintain the blog, I’m just scared that it would be too much work to be sustainable. Thanks for the input!
I hear you. Totally. I was a stay at home mom too for a good seven years but then I got divorced and then my son didn’t really need me home every second because he was getting older so some sort of work needed to happen again! It was confusing to go back, I worked part time for a bit and then landed myself with a blog and a freelance writing “career”. It’s tough to navigate and plan and sometimes you just gotta dig away and find your way to what it is you want to do and somehow make it a career. I have zero advice because I didn’t plan things, I just went with what I was passionate about and continue to work at it. You are doing a great job! Literally 🙂
I know you understand this! I think we need to meet up again and chat before I lose my mind, lol 😉 Thanks Meredith!
Running a blog/business is so incredibly hard and no one but those who do it understand the time it takes. As a student, same thing. I feel like I can only do one or the other. Hardcore study and intern or run a blog. What seems more logical? That’s up for interpretation I guess.
Wow, haven’t thought about it that way but I can see where we’re in a similar situation – both of these things are “full time” and we have to make choices. Thanks for the feedback, and it’s good to know I’m not alone in that feeling!
Hi Michele,
That makes for an interesting read. I can fully understand how blogging can become all time consuming and starts to become hard work.
I think if it feels like work then maybe you need to ease up a bit and take a break?
I’ve read a lot about blogging in the past and some of the things I’ve found out are:-
– when it becomes like work then the fun is gone
– if you are motivated by money then it can either give new focus or totally misdirect you and create frustration which will lead to a fail
It sounds like you are working hard but as a first time visitor to your site I can see that there is an opportunity for coaching. Would you also consider launching your own book (if you haven’t already done so)? Or maybe an online course people can subscribe too?
As for Amanda’s comment, I think she makes a good point. Kids are growing up and if they can keep each other company then that is natural and fun for them. Over time I guess parents need to loosen the reigns on kids as they find themselves.
Thanks for such a thoughtful comment, definitely appreciate it 🙂 A book/other options are things I’ve considered in passing but haven’t allowed myself to get serious about since it is a lot of work, and again, I’ve been conflicted about putting more work into the blog. A lot to think about for me! Really appreciate the input.
I totally understand the confusion and the ambiguity. For you, it is likely even more tangible because of your kids, but I have the same questions about myself. Alex is entirely supportive of my blog, but let’s be honest, I work on it a LOT. And when I introduce myself, I sometimes don’t know if I tell people about it or not. I can’t make a living out of my blog, but I do it nonetheless.
This isn’t really going anywhere, except to say that I completely understand and am also conflicted.
Glad you understand – I almost panicked realizing I posted about this this morning and thinking people were going to think I was a rambling idiot. Same with Adam – he’s completely supportive and loves that I blog, but we both see how much time it takes up and I feel weird calling it “work.”
Intriguing thoughts! You know from my posts that I view all blogging as work. Sometimes I cannot believe I’m able to juggle it with a full time job. The thing about blogging is there is no right or wrong. The flip side to that is there is no magical button to get you to make money. Even if you did a sponsored post every day, you wouldn’t make much. I encourage you to think outside the box about other ways you can make money and use your blog to sell and promote that.
That’s an interesting point – use the blog to sell and promote something else, which I sort of do with coaching except I sort of lump that in with the blog. When I return to social work, it will likely be separate from the blog. Lots to think about. I’m impressed that you work full time AND blog, it’s just a lot. Let’s see if I can work, be a mom, and blog? I think that’s where I doubt myself.
You are so incredibly gifted, talented, articulate… I can go on! My point is that you can totally have your dreams come true, as crazy as hell that sounds but why not? You’re an amazing writer and have a point of view that people want to read about. I think you’re on to something big and I’m excited for you 🙂
Danielle, you are awesome! Thanks for being with me in this since the beginning, you must have been one of my first readers! I really truly appreciate your encouragement. You’re always positive and never fail to put a smile on my face, cheesy as it sounds 🙂
ditto Michele! i totally feel the same, your posts always make me smile 🙂 so from one cheese ball to another, thank you for spreading your awesomeness!
XOXO 🙂
You are 100% a working mom. Blogging is work (especially when you get that LLC) and even if it’s not bringing home significant bacon yet, you’re working towards that goal. So not only are you building a business, but you’re setting an incredible example of hard work, creativity, and persistence for your kids.
This is good to hear. Granted, it’s what I WANT to hear, but still on some level I do believe this, or I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing and I wouldn’t have written this post. I really hope I am setting an example of hard work for my kids in a good way, and not spinning wheels and wasting time!
Oh girl, I can so totally relate. I went through the same sort of struggle when I first started blogging, because I couldn’t tell if I was wasting my time or working on something that would take off in the long run. The thing about blogging is that it -is- a tonne of hard work that often goes unrewarded for a really long time, but there’s also tonnes of potential there to do something that you love and are passionate about. I totally think that you have what it takes to be successful, so don’t beat yourself up if it seems like you’re not getting anywhere with it. We -all- feel that way at some point or another. Maybe it would make you feel better to set some actual goals and treat your blog more like a business?
It’s a strange spot to be in, that’s for sure! It means a lot to me that you can not just relate, but also think that I have what it takes to build this blog. Thanks Amanda, you are always supportive and helpful 🙂 I think I might be working up the nerve to finally treat it like the work that it is, and set some real goals.
From the outside looking in, I see you as a successful working mom who balances her three children and business beautifully, but I could imagine the pressures that come along with having a family are very real. I just started blogging mainly just to connect with other runners and to feel apart of the community, but who wouldn’t choose making a living doing what they love? I applaud you for making that decision and starting an LLC. You have all of us reading your posts every morning, so you must be doing something right! Thank you for being very honest about how difficult it is to sustain a blog as a business. I’m sure it’s not always easy to write about.
I almost panicked a little when I realized this post was up this morning – it’s not the easiest thing to write about and I know I’ve put myself out there for judgement. I also know I can be my own harshest judge! It means a lot to me to get your perspective, it is SO easy to lose perspective just going through the motions – thank you!
I’ve been thinking about the blogging for a hobby vs. blogging for a job lately. Obviously it’s still my hobby as I’m a student and working part-time outside the blog, but I still put a lot of work into it. I guess that’s what a hobby is? It still makes me question my intentions/purposes and if I should “reevaluate” things. But it’s fun for me (even though it takes dedication) so that’s enough (for now).
I feel like running is truly my hobby right now, and in a way blogging has replaced what running used to be for me. The difference, is that I see/know that there COULD be potential to really make the blog my business, and I’m grappling with that right now. I still have mommy guilt and a lot of mixed feelings, plus the pressure of needing to pursue SOMETHING! I think you’re doing so well with your blog and have a great balance with it!
You could never sound like a moron. YOu are a mom, that is a full time job and more. and you still do a fabulous job at “running” this blog. If you want to keep it going, you can! I say you focus on paleo and running. How the two work for you. YOu can connect with brands and more. Happy to help!
Lindsay! You’ve been a big positive influence for me since entering the big scary blog world, you are always inspiring and make me feel like I really can make things happen! Thanks so much for always being helpful and encouraging, you’re seriously awesome 🙂
Hi Michele! (promise I will not post a long comment like this again. Just feel like I want to reply considering what I ignited 🙂 )
Wow, I hope that I did not make you doubt yourself in any way or stir up negativity. I’ve read all the comments above and I totally agree with the positive feedback. I hope it brings you motivating vibes! Danielle’s comment is spot on – you really do have a unique and tangible talent. I love reading your blog and I think I mentioned this when I first started reading that you have “it” – your viewpoint and talent in writing is NOT common. There are plenty of blogs out there and only a few that I would pay to see more of 🙂
That being said, I love the idea of “Skinny Fitalicious” of thinking about what you WANT to do or could do to make money and using the blog to promote THAT. I’ve seen these spots on the Today Show about people who want to do something “crazy” i.e. leave their current job to pursue their passion. The “expert” suggestion is often – keep at the paying job and use the free time to develop and test that other passion. So perhaps you could do this, totally just an idea : go into Social Work part time to earn money to help ease the financial burden (fact of life). Social Work could be the “sure thing” to bring in cash. And use the “extra” time to develop and really think about the passion that could earn money. For the blog, it would be awesome if you could keep it going during all of this – but maybe shorter posts or every other day (even though this would make me sad) or whatever it would take to keep your toe in but be less time consuming. Once you have that other “thing” up and running and it would seem profitable, you could stop doing the Social Work, go into that other thing full time and get back to the blog every day. Would the passion be related to running/paleo/life coaching? Those personal life coaches can make good money I think! Or nutritionist/therapist combo? I feel like the diet and head are related for a lot of people. I have no idea what paying job would bring you joy. I just know that you do have a gift and it WILL take a lot of work to get to where you want to be. But it’s totally possible and you CAN and WILL get there.
Amanda, definitely didn’t want to imply your comment was negative in any way, just that it sparked something in me that’s been stirring for a while. Probably “right place right time” sort of thing! Like Danielle, you’ve been with me since the very beginning and have always been so encouraging and thoughtful in your comments 🙂
You and I are definitely thinking alike – that’s probably at least part of what kicked up all these thoughts when I read your comment. I am currently planning to go back to Social Work to have that “sure thing” and I’m also planning to continue the blog. I guess I’m scared that trying to pull that off, on top of still being an attentive parent, just wouldn’t be sustainable. This is really a to be continued, glad I have you along for the ride, always appreciate your feedback!
Great! Glad we’re on the same page. Very exciting for you and I’ll definitely be along 🙂
You’re the best, thanks 🙂
Perhaps what other commenters are suggesting – getting back into social work to pursue it part time – will be helpful in that you’ll get a change of scenery and a fresh perspective on the current situation. We can drive ourselves mad trying to think our way out of a situation, but it’s not until we actually step outside it for a while that we can see it for what it is. At least, that’s the case with me. You may find you like going back to a traditional job part time and that balancing isn’t as hard as you thought…or, it may not work out and you can go back to staying at home and developing your blog full-time. Either way, at least you took it upon yourself to find out and will gain more knowledge and insight in the process.
This was a great post. I have a traditional office job and my blog is purely a hobby that is unlikely to ever make me any $$. I’ve always secretly envied people who are self-employed and able to stay home – there’s a sense of personal empowerment in working for yourself and I don’t think any one of us wouldn’t jump at the chance to make our living doing what we love most. But as your candid post reveals, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side. I appreciate your honesty in talking about the issues you face in this lifestyle – very informative.
That is a really good point – that I can try out “real” work and see what happens, going back to pursuing the blog full time-(ish) if that seems more fitting. I think I feel like if I go back to work, that will be it and I won’t be able to change my mind. Thanks for your perspective on this! Glad you found this informative – though I can’t speak for others, it’s the real deal for me right now!
Wow I feel like I have a million things to say and even though I’m not a mum (could you tell) I can relate to so much of it at the start. I’ve told you from the start, I admire how balanced you are in the sense of blogging/being a parent/running etc- It’s really amazing.
Now the blogging as a business side- I think goal setting is important but not in terms of something particularly statistical e.g. x amount of page views- I think that would be too stressful and too difficult to predict with the ever-changing nature. Argh i feel like I have more to say will do it externally.
Can’t wait to pick your brain a bit more, especially related to the goals I probably need to be setting right now. I agree just focusing on numbers really isn’t helpful and it can be very discouraging. Thanks for all your help, you are truly awesome!
I feel for you Michele- It must be incredibly difficult to have to manage three kids, a thriving blog, AND a career that you have to transition back into. It may be difficult at first, but I hope everything flows smoothly. Never ever give up on what it is that you want to do in love, I promise you it will eventually happen <3.
Thanks Nikki 🙂 That is very sweet of you to say, and I truly hope you are right in your predictions!
Oh my gosh, I love this post! I feel the same way! I spend a large chunk of my day doing things for my blog, so that I can grow it in hopes of it becoming a source of income someday. Yet, some people around me think I just don’t have a job and I sit around on the internet all day, like blogging is just my hobby. I’m so glad to see someone else who is experiencing the same thing. Only bloggers understand fellow bloggers 🙂
Yup, that about sums up what’s going on now! A year ago I was okay with it but over the course of the year, things have just gotten more intense to the point that it really is work, can’t deny it anymore! I agree that a lot of us must be feeling the same way. I’m now glad I wrote this because it’s been great to get feedback from other bloggers who -know- this feeling!
TOTALLY relate. I’ve always had the dream of being a writer. As much as I love running, it’s not my dream to be an Olympian or an elite. I merely use running to manage my anxiety levels. But writing? I write for the love of it. It’s like how I love my kids. There’s no transaction when it comes to intrinsic motivation, right? I might sound like a grass smoking hippie when I say this but honestly, love always wins somehow, even if it’s muted and humble. If we do something that we truly love, love will sustain us. Okay, so maybe not 100%. But you happen to be really gifted at writing *and* you love it, so that’s pretty much a sealed deal for success. Boom. You got this.
I have always felt that way about writing too! I definitely appreciate the encouragement, it really means a lot for me to read this from you 🙂 And maybe I’m a hippie at heart too but deep down I also feel that way about doing what we love. Lots of layers to it, maybe some fuel for my run tomorrow morning.
I totally get it. I feel so guilty when I’m doing work to expand my blog and put my kid in front of the TV to do it because I will never say this is a ‘job’. So many mixed emotions. Still trying to figure it all out too!
Oh wow do I hear you! So many layers, mixed emotions, confusion! I think we need a support group!
oh i feel for you. it must be hard. totally take this with a grain of salt from me as i have no kids or want any and work WAY to many hours at a job i dont super love but its not to bad. also i have no blog. i just read them and wonder how people do it. but what i wonder if you are thinking as i attempt to read between the lines
– are you feeling a bit unfulfilled at home vs. guilty for not spending time ? what i mean is…i have friends who are almost scared to admit that they need something in their lives other than their kids. its like their dirty little secret which i totally dont get. of course you need something other than other people to fulfill you! you need your own “stuff”
– maybe you just need a plan for the blog ! u are obvi so type a and love plans and goals maybe you just feel like u need some direction with the blog
i can totally relate to not knowing what to do and why you should do something. the why is so important to me. like am i making this decision out of fear = no good.
when i have deep thoughts like this where i am questioning big things i try to talk it out, figure out the why, and then let it sit. maybe thee are long run type thoughts ? i have my 1/2 marathon tomorrow (gulp) and was offered a somewhat different job that i’ve pretty much decided not to take. i figure 13 miles is a good way to work it out and be sure of my decision : ) dont ever think you are “just” a stay at home mom. and i’m not “just” a working girl. dont be defined by all that social crap ! now…if i could just take my own advice 🙂
Oh Tara I really appreciate your thoughtfulness in helping me figure this out! I know that I’ve always believed I would just go back to social work once the kids were a little older – of course I didn’t even read blogs at the time and didn’t know they existed so of course no thought of blogging entered my mind! Now things are complicated though, and there’s a lot to figure out. Just like you, this is definitely some thought fuel for my 17 miles tomorrow!
I think you’re finding yourself and discovering a potentially new path in life, and that is completely ok. Trying something new and unexpected takes courage whether you take baby steps or go for broke. I do think you need to cut yourself some slack though and start really focusing on all the fantastic things you do and accomplish daily. You’re too tough on yourself.
Hey Michelle! I’m catching up on some blog reading after being gone and wanted to pop in to say I hear ya!! I have been exactly where you are, and I still sometimes wonder what I’m doing with my blog… 🙂 I use it more as a way to have an audience for my other services- health coaching, run coaching, etc and those are my “revenue producing activites” but the blog is not much other than a few sponsored posts, etc so it’s hard for me to justify all the time I put into it as well… and honestly, I am coming up on 4 years and now put quite a bit less time in than I used to, but I’m not willing to let it go either.
I like your plan of getting back to social work part time while maintaining the blog and getting an idea of where it could go… as others have said, you have a unique voice and so much potential!! I wouldn’t drop the idea, it takes lots of time to develop into whatever it is meant to be. Rooting for you!!
Really glad to get that feedback Laura – you’re someone I trust and I know from your day in the life posts that we face many of the same daily life challenges! I am definitely taking your words (and other’s) seriously and reevaluating what I put my time into. Yes, I will continue trying to build my blog but I have to put energy into the “revenue producing” as you say! It’s tricky and confusing but it’s also been relieving to hear that other bloggers have felt the same way.